Diary of a 13 year old catholic.

So in response to the facebook fans of my 13 year old teenage diary days, I’m ‘publishing’ the best sentences I scribbled in these diaries here. The first ten are the same as facebook but I’ve added some little extras after for you too.
Although there were calls for full publication, trust me… you don’t want that. Most of it is incredibly dire and there are whole chapters dedicated to how I would track down Orlando Bloom. Let’s just stick with a few excerpts….

Disclaimer: Names are made up to protect identities (not that those people would read it but I’m nothing if not considerate).  Also at some points I was slightly older, but y’know I had birthdays and such.

DAY 1: I was involved in a pile on today. Jay jumped on top of me, then Adam and then Rob too. It was really funny until Connor spat in my hair.

DAY 2: I saw the fence guy today. He has been building this fence for like 2 weeks. Today he told me he is polish and his name is Graph. I wonder what the polish for ‘shut up and kiss me’ is.

DAY 3: I’m gonna have to buy some thongs today because the lads at school keep pulling our skirts up and I got teased for my proper big knickers. Well I say proper big, but really they just covered my arse.

DAY 4: I had an argument with Chloe today and she said ‘talk to the hand cos the face ain’t listenin’ so I replied ‘talk to the elbow and watch out for the extension’ …I think we all know who won that argument.

DAY 5: There are some REALLY fit spanish exchange students at skewl this week called Dan and Al. Dan said to me ‘Albert loves you kiss kiss kiss’. Their english is soooo good.

DAY 6: Mum asked me for a cuppa and I said just wait till the ad break and she called me a bitch. OH fine language to address your sweet daughter with isn’t it?!

DAY 7: I have a boyfriend and he has an 8 pack. It was raining today and he put his jacket round me. The only problem is I have to dump his best mate now. Maybe I should have done that before I said yes…

DAY 8: I fell in love with a gypsy that works at flamingo land and now I am in heartbreak hotel. It’s not a very nice hotel, very poorly furnished. I suppose the deco isn’t bad but none of that matters cos you’re just laying on the sofa crying all day.

DAY 9: I saw the SEXIEST orlando bloom calendar in town today. He is so godly and great. I wouldn’t even care if he was a druggie or murderer he is soooooooo hot.

DAY 10: A teacher got fired today for hooking up with a student and the art room got broken into. Perverts and robbers, now that’s what I call a catholic community!

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE READ IT ALL, HERE’S A FEW THAT DIDN’T MAKE THE FINAL CUT…

DAY 11: Tom got me msn messenger today and three lads applied to be my friend! I accepted all of them.

DAY 12: Nikki came RUNNING in today to tell me she beat my high score on Bop It! Just had to rub it in eh? She is sooo SAD.

DAy 13: Mr S winked at me today in class. How dare he? Doesn’t he know that I am a teenager and I will fall for any boy who gives me the slightest bit of attention? Hello people, hormones…

DAY 14: EVERYONE IS FIT IN SOMERFIELDS!!!!!!!!!!

DAY 15: My major worry today is reincarnation. I don’t want to come back again. I have done my sentence you cruel world!

DAY 16: Someone told me my boyf is a drug dealer with a criminal record and beats people up for money. I think it may be time to end it…

DAY 17: 1.24 am, yes you read correctly. Me and Nikki have only just stopped playing Neopets. Disturbed?  You should be. This is the stuff psychos are made of.

DAY 18: I bought a really short skirt today, not my usual style but she who dares wins.

DAY 19: I bought a groovy wristband today that says ‘I have issues’ hahahaha it’s so cool.

DAY 20: Some girls at school have made a crew called the Fringe Brigade. I don’t want to join their shitty group but I’m still annoyed they didn’t ask me. I have a fringe!

Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

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