Diary of a playground terrorist.

Here are the diary entries of an extremely evil 6 – 10 year old. Or extremely genuis, whichever light you choose to view mini-megan in.
PS: I was never actually violent, just on paper.
PPS: Thanks Mum for tolerating such a willful child .

DAY 1: I got given the lead role in the school play this year. YESSSSS! I knew I would be because of my extremely loud voice. I’m not bragging but my mum says she can hear me from two streets down.

DAY 2: Chloe’s Mum complimented me today. She said to my Mum “She’s a right character isn’t she? I bet she never gets boring.” and my Mum said, “You can keep her.”

DAY 3: I’m in a lot of trouble now because I kidnapped my cousin. It was time for Charlotte to go home and she didn’t want to so I said we should hide in the drawers under the bed. It was funny for a while until Charlie started crying and then the Police slid the doors back and shouted “Found them!”

DAY 4: God I hate Alice Wright she is my WORST ENEMY. Catch her coming to my birthday sleepover… don’t think so you tart!

DAY 5: Lucy can go and find another best friend because I am done with her. When she asks me I’ll say no chance you are only my 3rd best friend now.

DAY 6: I wish I was Mrs Trunchball like in Matilda because I could grab Alice Wright by the pigtails and swing her round the playground.

DAY 7: I hate Mr Simpson. He has smelly sunderland breath and he is soooo proud of himself. He’s always staring at me and scowling… which I know because I am there scowling right back at him.

DAY 8: Mrs M definitely regrets making me stay in this playtime. I snuck into the cloakroom and rearranged everybody’s indoor pumps. Alice Wright cried because she had a size 5 and a size 3. PANDAMOANEUM! It took half an hour before it was all sorted.
It was definitely worth standing outside Mr K’s office for the next hour!

DAY 9: Alice Wright’s only skill in life is that she is excellent at turning the tap on whenever the teachers come near.

DAY 10: There was nobody at the bus stop today so the driver took me to the Police Station. They asked me to describe my Mum so I said, “She’s got blonde hair and black roots and she can’t do a thing with it.” One Policeman couldn’t stop laughing.

DAY 11: I got sweet revenge on Alice Wright today. She was pulling daisy petals saying “Lucy is my best friend,” “Lucy is Megan’s.” and she deliberately finished on “Lucy is my best friend.” So when I got kept behind at break again I put her milk on the radiator so it tasted sour at reading time.

DAY 12: I waited until Charlotte fell asleep last night and then hung down from the top bunk and shouted BOO! in her face. She had to sleep in her Dad’s room after that because she was crying all night. WHAT A SISSY!

DAY 13: I stole the inside bit of the school bell today so it wouldn’t ring at the end of playtime. It was a great plan until I had to wear lost property clothes because I wet myself watching Mrs M try to ring it.

DAY 14: I have been put on a behaviour progress chart. If I’m good the teacher puts a tick beside ‘Megan has worked hard today and deserves a reward.’ If I’m bad they tick ‘Megan has not behaved today and needs to try harder.’ I was good as gold for the first week on purpose so now I just keep putting those sheets to the front of the book so Mum thinks it’s working and she has to get me a reward every day. HAHAHAAHA!

PS: I SWEAR I’ve changed.



2 thoughts on “Diary of a playground terrorist.

  1. Hahahaha. I literally laughed out loud multiple times while reading this. Is this truly from an old diary or did you put this together for the sake of this post? I honestly don’t know which would be more brilliant. I love the funny, mischievous way you have about you… I’m not buying that “PS” line for a second.


  2. Hahaha thanks. Both posts are genuinely from a load of diaries I found and I couldn’t stop laughing at my thoughts back then so decided to share them and I’m really pleased that you find them funny too! I think my actions at this young age were pretty sinister but I was just a little troublemaker haha! I’m much calmer now I swear!

    Liked by 1 person

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